In my old neighborhood, during the pan and lockdown, I was walking and listening to podcasts every day to kill time. There were Sonic trucks and vans everywhere. I asked a worker if they were laying fiber and he said no. A month later, a knock at the door and a guy wearing a Sonic polo.

“Are you selling fiber?” Yes. Comcast had no hope of keeping me. I’d been a prisoner for years. I don’t have Sonic anymore because I moved, but I still have unlimited fiber.

Go home and die, Comcast. You suck.